Well, to be honest, I am a trainee. I am only assigned to watch over one story right now. I have to prove myself worthy before they assign me more. Right now I am watching over The Little Mermaid. I will say this she's made some improvements reliving her story. She used to die and turn into seafoam. Now she actually marries the guy that's rejected her thousands of times in the past. You see the different versions of fairy tales out there are that characters failed attempts at getting it right. Once they get it right the stories are forgotten. For example Preena The Littlest Fairy has disappeared from the mortal world because she got her story right. It only took her a thousand years.
I have been sitting here watching over this damn mermaid fawn over her crush for 500 hundred years and the guys that's training me watched over her for who knows how long before me. It's driving me insane. This stupid mermaid musn't have a brain or at least she doesn't use it. It used to be her sisters tried saving her but they gave up on her awhile ago. Now her father is outright frustrated and always yelling at her. Which doesn't help a 16-year-old think straight and keeps her looking at fish and a damn witch for advice. It's the equivalent of asking a serial killer for love advice. Would you go to the nearest prison and ask a serial killer to help you woo a guy? Of course not! But Ariel here thinks it's a splendid idea because she's a freaking moron. How can she not see that her mistake is talking to a psychopath for help!? Not to mention the disaster that would play out in the ocean's kingdoms if we let that shit go. This stupid mermaid is the only thing that stands between the ocean's fantasy realms apocalypse or many more years ahead. Right now it's not looking good.
What makes this so frustrating is I am not supposed to interfere. I am strictly forbidden from making contact. She is supposed to figure this out on her own. She also is the only one unaware she is reliving her story over and over. Well, she and the mortals involved. Her prince and those humans have no clue. We find it best that way. This brings to light why her family is so dang frustrated. They haven't done anything wrong but have to suffer for her mistakes!
I am here to tell you I am done just watching this shit play out. I really can't take it. I am going to break the cardinal rule. I am not just going to make contact I am going to do my version of an intervention because this girl needs it. Doing so I will be thrown out of the training program, but I am fine with that. I am still young I can switch careers. Now let's save a mermaid.
I take a deep breath and step through the portal just as the mermaid is about to swim off to that witch all upset. As I find myself on the other side I realize I have been turned into a mermaid. No time to dwell I rush off because that girl is a fast swimmer.
"Ariel! Stop!"
"What? Who are you?"
" Thank the heavenly realms you stopped! Just stop! For at least a thousand years maybe more you have run to that evil ass witch! Because of it, you have been turned into seafoam, a fish, your feet have bled, your voice was taken, and numerous other awful things. It has never once turned outright and the consequences are far more reaching than you are capable of realizing. Just stop."
"You don't understand. I am in love and my father doesn't understand. I need her help."
"Love? Really? You really think it's love?"
"Of course. He's so handsome."
" Oh for the love of my fairy godmother. You have no concept of what love really is do you?"
" Why is everyone so against our love? We are meant to be together."
" Okay...What's his middle name?"
"Ummm.....Eric?"
" His name is Eric Eric? How old is he?"
" I ... I don't know."
"You and Cinderella are really two peas in a pod. All hormones no brains."
"Hey! You take that back!"
"Listen up buttercup..."
" What's a buttercup?"
" Shut up! You have been reliving this time in your life for thousands of years! Why do you think your sisters are so angry all the time? Why do think your dad's temper has been so bad the past few days? It's because they want to move on but can't till you grow a damn brain!"
"I have not! You are lying to stall me. I am going."
" Honey, you are a fairy tale."
" You take that back. Only idiots become cursed into being fairy tales. I am nothing like that twit Preena."
" Preena figured it out and is no longer cursed. You, however, are a bit slow and let's face it were very well set on torturing your family in this hell forever. "
" Preena isn't a fairy tale anymore?"
" Not for a long time."
" Honey, you honestly thought going to a psychopath for help was smart?"
"Well, not smart. I just think she's the only one who can?"
" Why don't you ask your dad for help? Sure he hates humans but ask him to help you get it out of your system. You could propose he give you temporary legs to live out your human fantasy for one month. After that, you both come back, talk, and decide what's best. It can't hurt. "
" He was so mad. He'll never listen."
" He's obligated to react the same way he always does for his role. He's not allowed to change, but I can reassure you if you go back and talk to him you'll find he's not that angry. He's frustrated you never ever come to your senses. He's hurt you won't come to him for help. What's worse for him being forced to repeat what he considers his worst mistake over and over is pure hell for him and it's breaking him."
" You really think he'll listen?"
" Yes! Even if he doesn't please go to anyone but that psycho for help!"
"Okay. Fine, I'll try. You better not be lying."
Suddenly I found myself violently yanked out of the portal. I braced myself for the worst as I turned around to face my master. To my surprise, he had a huge smile on his face.
"Finally! I thought you'd never pass this damn test. You have the most patience of anyone I have ever seen!"
" Huh?"
"About a thousand years ago we realized these cursed creatures just weren't capable of finding the right path. So we began to train Intervention Specialists to help them out. You did very well...once you actually went in there. You see we had to be sure you would risk your own way of life to help them. We had to make sure your heart was in it. Hence the whole cardinal rule nonsense."
"Really?"
" Yup. While you did take a while there you aren't the slowest. We've got a few still just sitting there. My money is that the trainee watching over Snow White will take the longest to intervene. Although that's not fair. Three have failed."
"Failed?"
"Yeah. They intervened but didn't assess the real mistake properly. So they failed and we reset the story and wiped the memory of the failed intervention. Now about your next intervention. We have a new one. Another lovesick moron but it's more complicated than Ariel back there. Watch and assess as long it takes to figure out the best solution. I warn you though watching might be more agonizing than The Mermaid."
" Is that possible sir?"
" Believe me, it is. Bit of a twist. A mortal named Bella needs the intervention. She sacrifices her mortal life that was destined for greatness in both mortal and fantasy realm for some sparkly joke of a vampire named Edward. If this isn't changed this chick won't ever fulfill her destiny and both realms will suffer great casualties in a war between us. It's a cruel thing to demand but I suggest you start with the books. And unfortunately, there are three of them."
"Okay, but sir. Can I stop in the mortal realm for some advil first?"
" Here. Have mine. We keep it stocked now. All the dumb love mistakes is giving us all some migranes."
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